On a lighter note....

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two

minutes apart

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!






Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.

Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble

breathing?

Caller: Running from the Police.

Okay..so im tired of ignoring the drama in this country. This one left a bitter sweet taste on my tongue...terrorism in Nigeria is a laughable probability but then again...isnt this a country where u must never say 'never'? anything can happen. this is just one of those confirmations. So what do u guys think????



Boko Haram ressurects, declares total Jihad

Headlines Aug 14, 2009
The Islamic sect Boko Haram has declared total Jihad in Nigeria, threatening to Islamise the entire nation by force of war.
In a statement dated August 9, 2009 and made available to Vanguard, the sect whose activities led to the lost of hundreds of lives in northern Nigeria recently declared that their leader Yusuf who was killed in controversial circumstances during the crisis, lives forever.



In what looked like a declaration of war on the rest of the nation, the Boko Haram sect said it will unleash terror in Southern Nigeria this August, beginning with the bombing of Lagos, Ibadan, Enugu to make good its words.Vanguard reproduces the statement below as issued by Boko Haram.WE SPEAK AS BOKO HARAMFor the first time since the Killing of Mallam Mohammed Yusuf, our leader, we hereby make the following statements.



1) First of all that Boko Haram does not in any way mean ‘Western Education is A sin’ as the infidel media continue to portray us. Boko Haram actually means ‘Western Civilisation’ is forbidden. The difference is that while the first gives the impression that we are opposed to formal education coming from the West, that is Europe, which is not true, the second affirms our believe in the supremacy of Islamic culture (not Education), for culture is broader, it includes education but not determined by Western Education.

I'm Excited

Yeaaaa i am so excited
Apart from the nice and sincere comments my blog has been receiving (thanks Roc) i finally got in on the creative writing workshop. This is gonna be a great thing to do! all those writers in one place with great minds! I cannot wait! I know im gonna leave the place a better writer! thats why im excited...check out the email i got.....

Thank you for applying to the FARAFINA TRUST creative writing workshop.
I’m pleased to let you know that you’ve been accepted; your writing sample is one of the twenty-five selected from the more than one thousand entries we received. The workshop, in Victoria Island, Lagos, will start on September 17 at 10 AM and end on September 26 with a literary evening open to thepublic. The workshop will be an informal class and the format willloosely be this: a lot of reading of mostly short fiction, somewriting exercises, and discussion of work produced by workshopparticipants.

I will teach for the first few days, after which Nathan Englander, Jackie Kay and Binyavanga Wainaina will continue.

Please email our Farafina Trust administrator Okey tokey.adichie@kachifo.com to let him know

1. whether you will be able to attend on ALL the workshop days

2. whether you will need accommodationIt would be very helpful to hear back from you by August 26. And I do hope you will be able to attend.

With my best wishes,
Chimamanda Adichie

Chinwe

Hello all

Its been a while i actually spent time on my posts. I got an email from a close friend of mine. She probably doesnt know it yet but this girl has got style. Im totally feeling the humor and brilliance. Here's something from her....


MY LAGOS TRIP

The JOURNEY

Flying Aero to Lagos is one of my most memorable flying experience.I always heard over the news
that Aero's aircrafts are''tear rubber'' even though I doubted it but I actually believed when I tore the rubber on
my own seat!
The flight was as smooth as silk,no turbulence and interesting.In less than 45 mins,I was in Lagos.

On arrival at Murtala Muhamed international airport,I met my fellow celebrities in the likes Dele Momodu,
Publisher of Nigeria's foremost glossy magazine Ovation and we exchanged pleasantries.
Next was Julius Agwu ,one of the biggest comedian in Naija and the CEO of crack ur ribbs entertainment.

After a while my Brother drove in and whisked to some where in Ikoyi,an ocean view joint where we took fresh
fish pepper soup.It felt really good especially with ocean breeze cooling the atmoshpere!Welcome to Lagos my
brother whispered.

THE FIRST DAY ON THE ROAD

I visit Lagos often but never had any culture shock till this time.I was forewarned that if I must meet the staff
bus at Cele bus stop at 5:30 am that I've to wake up by 4:30 am and hit the road by 5 am.Very funny,it
dawned on me that morning when I left by 4:45 am.I was suprised to find out that I was the only
human on the road out of the estate around Okota.On the road I saw ghosts,crazy
people,rabid dogs,rats etc.My shoe was making so much noise that I felt like it was another thriller but Micheal
Jackson is dead afterall!
Thank God one of my neighbour's who worked with GTBank Adetokunbo Ademola Branch leaves the house by 5am in order to get a parking space in his office,came to
my rescue subsequently.

THE FIRST DAY IN CLASS

I got to the class as early as 6:20.Class 16?Yeah,this way,I stepped in.Wow! people were already in class and I
paused for a while and wondered if they came the previous night and slept in class.I actually believed I would
be the first person in class,early bird isn't it?Early bird huh!...i wonder how i made it.

Every body was looking so cripsy,Wow funke was the bomb,she appeared so fine no wonder she didnt repeat her suit for the 25 working days we were there.!
Everyone looked so fine,for the chics I think they came from house of Tara for the makeup.The
guys were cute and razor sharp, the entire scenario looked like a movie location.This was the 'forming stage'
every one was feeling cool and waiting for who will talk to another first,interesting huh?

THE PEOPLE
By the time we took off our shell and started bonding,I could see the stuff every body was made of.
The people in class 16 were actually wonderful.One good thing about meeting people is the diverse
reasoning,beliefs,cultural and religious backgrounds.What makes one thick is the ability to tolerate one
another irrespective of all these I mentioned.Sitting close to me were Hauwa,she was about the prettiest
girl in class,soft spoken and unassuming though smart.Desmond's suits were something else,I couldnt take my eyes off them.Jennifer
captured me with his dress sense and make up was something else.
How can i forget IG,(Ibe's MATTER) how she terrorised our able (s)chairman Babatunde and how she memorised our duty to customers when the MD came.
Akin who was too tall dat even in the class picture he was taller than some people that stood on the pavement.
Another great guy equally very smart,Mazi Ibe the critic,always had one thing to condemn or the other though he is my gangster nigger with his strong igbotic accent
and his features that made me think he was related to Nkem Owoh.Loud man and with good sense of humour.
Other characters were Philip the shy guy but seems like someone that will be ruthless when u dont comply with policy,Chinenye from Seme
border,Gbolahan my man,who am guilty of violating his information confidentiality,pls 4give me.Fejiro outspoken and calculated,will do well as a politician,her
dressing was remarkable.

Other people in the class;Amanda,very endowed.God probably spent more time giving her more of that.
How can i forget Annually and Teila who snoozed off in class when the class was interesting.Stanley who talks as if he's fighting.FC&SP,EZEIKEL,EDWARD etc

THE FACILITATORS AND LESSONS
How can i forget Jumoke,nice girl but at her accent was bloody,jezz...(h)ibe and (h)edward (h)off ur phones!....suruu-lereee bus. Fejiro and Nonye can say it beta.

All the facilitators from the outsourced to internal had one thing in common.They were all very intelligent
and confident.Their confidence was either based on the knowledge they had or their acheivements.
For some,their arrogance came from their pockets.I mean how much money in their bank accounts
Very Funny,Some participants felt they could use English language untill they met Henry,the man from
GreenField Consult.My people had their esteem seriously bruised,some of us equally learnt a thing or two.
One of the facilitators advised that we live a false life by hanging out at five star hotels,live in lavishly furni-
shed apartments in Ikoyi,Lekki or V.I,buy $1000 Prada suits,$1500 Stacy Adams shoes, $350 Bvalgari
perfumes and even a $2000 Rolex watch.Sounds great huh?He definitely forgot one thing,most of us were
bloody ET's whose take home barely takes home!At the end I equally grasped something.Courtney Inglis
said we should eat using fork,knife,matchets,sickle,hoes etc.Atleast I now know the glass cup for water ,
beer,red and white wine.Albino did a good job, didn't she?Dima from Knowledge Captital turned
the class room into a Pub showing us a stale football match though he made so much sense.He will equally
do well as a preacher or better still a pastor.
The likes of Ibe and Fejiro will do better as entertainers.We probably would've bought tickets
to watch them perform live on stage.
MEETING JIM OVIA

When I arrived LMD's Adetokumbo on 27 July 2009 at 5:45 am exactly sixteen days to the end of the course,
there was something different about the environment.The building was wearing a new look.It has been
painted over night,cleaners were busier than usual,LMD staff came earlier than the trainees.'Eye service no go
end for naija'.The class room was so arranged,a few minutes to his arrival it became even serious;Red seats
to the left ash ones to the right,pictures on the wall were adjusted to a perfect point,light skinned and prettier
females to the front,the others to the back.Guys on red tie to the front,others to the back.I got scared at a
stage,this looks like second coming and if we all have such an opportunity to prepare we will make heaven
Out of tension and anxiety, people visited the convenience severally few minutes before the
arrival of the MD/CEO.

Then Jim arrived and we clapped till he asked us to stop.He had so much energy and poise.He is very
intelligent.Positive Attitude is everything as long as Jim is concerned.Using different words and analogies
to drive home the message.It still boiled down to the same thing,attitude is everything.He stayed with us
for barely 40 minutes and we all were captivated through out the period.I personally wanted to hear more
from the man who has moved Zenith bank from 118 to almost no 1.How did he do it.Right attitude of cause.
Let me not go further.I resolved to do one thing at the end of the encounter with the MD/CEO.

CONCLUSION

Staying away from work for a month in the name of learning can be very interesting and equally boring.
The food actually made it interesting the first few days,Later the new found friends spiced up the programme.
However,the knowlegde and value added will also be of immense importance.Atleast for the marketers and operators,they
discovered that the job wasnt just about deposit mobilisation and DDA pursuit,post, debit, transfer, open
accounts and attend to customers.There is actually more to banking.I foresee a banking age where
performance will not only be based on how much deposits raked in,but how much one knows.This might not
happen so soon but it will surely come to pass.The recent sack of MDs and management of five banks by CBN
is just the begining of the story and the dawn of a new phase in banking.


Thanks, Chinwe

Secrets of a second wife

work in progress



I checked my watch for the fifth time that evening. It was past eight. He said he would be at the restaurant by six. I had taken some time off work to close early but I felt stupid for that already. It was clear to me that Dumebi loved to see me in pain. In the beginning of our love affair, I conveniently used my tears as a weapon to weaken him and possibly get his attention but it did not work for long. Dumebi suddenly became as hard as a rock; he would not budge even when faced with my raw pain especially at what he did wrong. Sometimes he had the decency to hand me a tissue and if I was lucky, he would pat my back while mumbling words I could not hear. But that was in the beginning. I quickly learned to stop the tears. I only gave him a cold stare but it did not seem to bother him anyway. I knew I could never win with him. I always loose with men.
‘Damn, what is keeping this man?’
I had not stopped giving him money and he always returned the gesture in kind. After all, that was what kept us going.
Damn him. Not Dumebi but my husband. Lanre deserves my resentment. Globe trotting with his first wife, Biola like newly weds.
When I first met Lanre he was a lonely and depressed man who needed a male child to carry on his name. Biola had given him seven girls. He begged me for months to marry him. Even though I knew the money would come in handy, I was scared. Polygamy was not something I thought I would even consider in my wildest moments. But when I met Biola, I thought my case would be different. Biola was like an angel. She treated me well and promised not to be ‘bitchy’. I relaxed over a few encounters.