On the Brink

Musing on my way to work this morning, I was blessed with the burden of shutting the world out.

The blaring sounds from dysfunctional loud speakers, where CDs and tapes are sold and the unfortunate customer has to scream the CD title to the seller for a sale. I was shutting out the putrid smell of gutter coming from the garage and the stench of cheap perfume from the bus passengers.

I was so determined to reflect that the curses uttered by the conductors didn’t bother me one bit. The engine of the bus made noises like a train but I remained undaunted. After all, it’s the last day of the year. The day everyone is supposed to reflect, make New Year resolutions, fast and pray.

I am fascinated with the fact that each year held more hopes, dreams, and more responsibilities. The thought of another year gives me goose pimples, partly out of excitement and also out of anxiety. The truth is, “I’m getting older, yet I feel younger than my 20 something years on this planet” or not.

I recall switching channels the other day and I briefly stopped at cartoon network. I didn’t linger on like I would normally on CNN but some years back…maybe 2 years back, I didn’t joke with cartoon network. Now, my interests seem to have taken a paradigm shift. This scares me but I’m also enthralled by the thought of “growing older”. It’s in reality a fun thing but on deeper reflection, more responsibilities aren’t fun anymore.

On past New Year’s eves, I never really bothered about writing goals for the year or things to pray for. I just lighted the fireworks and ate the chicken. Now, it actually bothers me that on the last day, I still don’t have any goals for the approaching year. Its not like I don’t have these goals somewhere in my head but writing them down is the concern.

But I still can’t get over the change taking place in my mind. My concerns have veered from girl and boy stuff to the global economic crisis, all in one or two years? It makes me laugh at myself sometimes. But now I know the meaning of “the young at heart”. It is very easy to allow the “grown up issues” give us wrinkles especially when all you hear daily are the Ugandan rebels killing scores of people on Christmas day. To think they couldn’t pick a better day to spoil the taste of your turkey.

When you go to bed praying the strikes on Gaza would end, Israel wakes you up with a promise not to stop the war. The world, your world, our world… seems paranoid and it’s only natural for us to adapt to this paranoia or maybe grow a few wrinkles.

Now, if you think the heat is outside the shores of our beloved country, think about the Niger delta crisis, and think about how many innocent people have lost their lives in the “struggle”. Think about the Jos crisis that came like a whirlwind and left a lot of people dead for no reason. And with all the issues, our leaders either choose to enrich their pockets or act dumb. Except of course someone can tell me what inspired our dear president to pick his cabinet members.

It’s a sad story but I choose to be happy no matter what. That’s why my New Year resolution is to watch more of cartoon network and buy comedy movie tickets than read politics and watch CNN.

Truth is New Year resolutions are faster broken than made.